a brother

I have an amazing brother. We are 7 years apart, he's the younger one, sometimes i wish i was the younger one, but we are what we are for a reason. I love him so much and I miss him around. You never think as a kid how much a person can be so important to your life until your older and you don't see them as much.

When I was a kid I was a stupid kid that wasn't educated enough on what a true relationship is with your sibling. No one ever told me that they would be the one that would understand you completly and totally. No one tells you that they would be the one by your side going through the same shit and feeling the same shit. I treated him so unfairly and I regret it everyday.

I know I was just a kid when I would knock him around, tell him to leave, and tease him. He was just trying to love me. It wasn't until we moved to fl that I realized holy shit this guy is going to know me and be there for me for as long as we live.

I moved two hours south of him and its been really hard. After my ex and i broke up I started to realize we were drifting apart. We were becoming so close and we finally understood each other as equals. Then one day is was weird.

A lot of it had to do with my spiral into drug abuse. He was ashamed and disapointed in me. With REASON. I lost him...

Another reason was his angry bitch girlfriend that made him feel like shit all the time. It was making him so confused and stale and it sucked him so dry! He wasn't the same and he became a weirdo robot for this person that he actually never loved.

When I moved it made things worse. We def started to see things differently. I was starting to feel like we would never connect again, and it hurt more than breaking up with someone, more than falling off a scooter, more than anything.

I would watch as he grew older and his personality was just awesome. I started to watch him grow in music and grow in all aspects of life and I was just proud of my brother. STILL AM

He was doing so much with his life and I wanted to be apart of it but I knew I was just not really wanted around. I guess I was just not needed.

Last week we picked him up and took him to see rev horton heat. The exp of driving to jax spending time with our family and getting to exp a show like that, made us closer. And then I did something for him that I know made things different.

I pushed him to break up with his gf, and i freed him from his box. We brought him back to our home, and i fed him as much insight and love and passion and art as I could. He soaked in my words my exp, my love. And we bonded more than ever before.

we smoked, we drank, we laughed, we sang. There is nothing stronger than family. Sibling are just close, we are a tribe that is connected through blood.

I love him so much and i write this after he just left. It was very hard, I cried to myself because the distance is a pain in my heart.

If your reading this... I hope that you get one thing, nothing matters more in life than a sibling. They are connected to us more than anything we can be connected to. The love and the pain and the heart is stronger than anything. Love them for who they are and stay close... you never know what can happen... and its up to you to see their pain, their joy, their life

How To Do Pin-Up Girl Make-Up ( Betty Page Paige or Dita Von Teese )

silversun pickups show!

Tonight we went to go see silversun pickups which was a band I knew was one to catch this year.
Through many sources of media silversun pickups has been the band to see. 'Nown for its mellow guitar rifs and soft whimsical vocals, tonights show brought all that and then some.
Singer was as quirky as a poet conducting the audience to sway and pulling them in with his guitar effects.personally I connected with the drummer chris gaunlao who was amazing at drums, giving so much intensity and vibe.
The female bass player also drove the audience crazy. She sang vocals in one song off the ep pikal it was very sweet and she was graceful.
The show was very magical and it hit a note with all who was there!

Getting one and one

With Damari. At work the only person that really asks me anything about my life, my day, and my home is Damari. Damari is the assistant at the salon, she does it all, best thing is the shampoos. When I sit around and sulk because I'm not busy she'll be the first one to tell me it's ok, don't worry. I've always been thankful for her tactic, and her simple spanish homegood advice.

Damari doesn't speak enough English to tell you much. Sometimes I call out to her and explain something and I can tell she has a bit of a hard time getting much information.

It's always good to have someone back you up, root for you and tell your worth it. Damari is that to me, and much more. She's my own big sis at the salon and we really help each other out.

We went to the beach together. I had a great time, we talked and talked and then booked it home.

lost in the way of control

Im not made for love sometimes.
I want to be a hustler and i cant, all i do is lose and spit
nothing works out for me
nothing goes right


I'm not a susiehomeamker mor like a susiedream maker
all i do is dream all day
when i should be cookin
cleanin
shoppin

im a fool if i think this stupid poem is going to help me express myself, its not, not even close. Dude right now i feel stupid, i want to get the fuck out of dodge before i turn into someone or somethning im not.

I totally gossiped at work
i totally spent money on something im addicted to
i totally fought to the bone with brendan












what do i want to hear...
a. im not crazy
b. im not weird
c. i didnt make a mistake, people just fight
d. all of the above
e. none of the above

my house

Is a very very very nice house, with two dogs in the yard, nothing can be so hard, and everything is real because of... well brendan!

I love my house, its perfect, it lets in a lot of light, it has just enough room to be spread out, it can hold a lot of people, and we made it come together really nice. Most of all I can come home crash over and over and over again and its soooo comfortable.

We still have so much to do and so much to get, like a sweet ass globe bar, another couch, some vanities for the guest room, garden stuff, and a fence. I'd also like to paint the walls, expand the kitchen and dining room, get a hot tub/deck and get a swing.

I have time.

The best thing about my house is that I can always move things around to get a new look. I enjoy buying small things to make it just right in all the right spots. I want to fill it with things we get from around the world, to give it more story. I have some things that I picked up, just me, but I need more.

We love being home, we havent been to the movies in a while cause we rather snuggle on the couch... with our dogs

Also we need to get more picture frames, I love photos and art... we need more of that too!

I hope in april i can throw a kick ass party... i dunno i'm afraid that no one will go. Which would be kinda embarassing...

we'll see

25 things u dont know about me

One i wasnt born here... i was born in guatemala.. sometimes i lie (to make my life easier and not explain too much) and i tell people I was born here....

I think I'm a great cook... but I'm lazy and most of the time i don't have to cook for anyone

My dad and I are best friends and we have this understanding that is so deep I can only hope I have that with my own kids.

I really really really really want to have a baby but I'm not sure if I'll be a good mother or if I'm done being silly and independent.

I don't like to french kiss

I like my arm pit odor

Sometimes I cry a lot for no reason... and it makes me feel a lot better.

I use to be a geeky lonely kid at school and lots of kids made fun of me... I think it was cause I was so different... and never adjusted to having foreign parents

I dont like to go back and spell check... and latley Ive mizspeled eveyting....lol

I use to talk to myself... and answer back

I have a mean streak that never seems to go away

My aunt married my principal and i didnt like it... obviously i love him now

I hate my teeth and my boobs

sometimes I wish i would of gone to law school, just to impress people that never matter to me

I dont care about being rich or famous anymore as of yesterday before that it was all that i cared about for no reason

I realize i can never live in L.A its just a thought

I went through a really dark poetry phase, it was really silly, i read it now and laugh myself till i pee a little bit

Im scared of getting really fat more than 300

I collect owls but i dont like telling anyone cause i dont want anyone to get me owl presents that i wont like

I smoke pot like most people have a glass of wine... it just clears my thoughts

I use to steal anything at big stores like target wal mart and salvation army

When i was five my uncle who was only my principal at the time asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up, i thought it would be really funny to answer him by saying to be dead

I wrote this kid a love note... he showed all his friends and they laughed... hahah i laugh at it now too

I stalk everyone on facebook

I never thought Id find the right one... and i really have

tie

its hard to tie everything together. I hate the idea that one cant be the other, and nothing can be together. It makes me wonder why this world is so forced and so managed.

DARK JEWISH GIRL

Her face is still showing no emotion, no expression, nothing. Her eyes are lined black with liner hiding herself from the world. Her hair falls into perfect dark riglets, a mess of volume, and a radiant shine.
She holds a cigarette cooly to her lips. A long drag, an empty stare, and soft plume of smoke escapes her mouth like that of a snake.
Her clothes hug her body, dark and perfect.You look at her, you want her attention, you crave her affection. She doesnt say a thing, she just silently thinks to herself and notes your presence.
She enjoys smoky music like new wave or jazz, she also enjoys every cigarette she plucks into her mouth.
you love her, you think about her, you want her.