when....

when i listen to Morrissey/ smiths I see the music, I see what it feels like, smells like feels like. It sends vibrations down my body, as it syndicates through my ears into my veins, pumping the emotion right in.

powerful is his voice that it can move me, it not only moves me, but it enters me, cracking open that hard shell that says I am not here, it sends itself into my blood, and plants straight through my heart.

will GOD please help

Dear God, its me, SOOOZ, well anyways I think you totally drop a bomb on the TLC channel because they make me watch these stupid shows with these stupid people that i cant turn my eyes away from... I hate it, I hate them all, and I hate that I'm soooo into it!

First off, for those of you who don't get it, I'm sorry but it's really easy... TLC loves to show case all of God's idiots, like the Goslens, and the little people, and the monkey parents and the GODDAMMN DUGGARS!


Ok I won't really comment about them because everything's been said but I will say I do miss them when they fought because women degrading men rules!




On this shit-normous family, please please please let this bitch hit MENO-PAUSE! When I have nightmares this is what comes to mind, I'm a mother of 100 kids and my hair is long and boring, and I don't know what fashion is at all and all my clothes are from wal-mart and not the cute miley shit but the lame shit....

I watched them do this home birth and it was something so weird and nasty that I all most threw up on myself.

These shows really freak me out yet I don't change the channel when it comes on... weird!

The little people in love need to make a sex tape if they want to save their show from being pulled off air...

TLC the lame channel...

YUCK

NEW MUSIC LINK

If you really need to pick up on NEW current music, pitchfork it the best site to do that with.... check out the side little radio, and be open minded...

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/best/

The COLOR BAR IS DONE

I feel its doom coming to a near. The end of it all will explode in blood, poison and tears! I fear what will become of this, the dream, the drive, and the talent. All gone, taken by greed and heartache. Nothing will prepare us for what will become the end.

I have given everything i could give to this place only to find that I'm left with a heavy chest and heart that finds no beats, no breaks, no change.

What will become of me?

I wanted to make this salon work and its not, its only work is against me and its killing me that I'm forced to be tied to this.

All i ever wanted was for all my dreams to come true, instead only my nightmares do. Its so painful and so hard.

dear GOD,

Dear God,
Thank you for fucking Morrissey, thank you so fucking much that you created someone who wrote really really really good music. Not only did it help me with the way I was all tied up inside, but it really gave me a voice I could relate to.

BTW God, Morrissey is so good, you should totally get into him...

ok thanks
susie

growth

personal
mental
creative

why do we do this?

susie home-makerv

today I made cupcakes and chicken pesto with steamy veggies....

YUM

I made fresh lemonade, kool aid, and jello

I made these things because they make me feel good and because I like the look on Brendan's face when he sees me being a "WIFEY" how degrading I know, but its ok, because he thinks its sweet.

I also made GUMMI BEARS ala' VODKA its amazing, next I'm going to inject vodka into watermelon thanks to stephy who left a needle in my diggs...

covers that make the original suck

o and the video is epic!

can you handle this lifetime?

If your a girls girl, stop reading this right now. Close out of my blog, forget my fucking face, and save yourself. I have this muthafuckin atom bomb to drop on yo asses. You stupid wanna be, fuckin lard ass, tear droping, jerk, who gets married has a kid and drops out of life. If your still reading this I hope you know that I would give anything to shit on your bride magazines, your garden magazines, your parent mags, your fuckin cat fancy, I will shit on your croc's your apple shaped bird feeder and your stupid collection of cool candels/


Life is so pathetic. It can be. I feel like when i relate to a soap opera, my life has really become a warped line of boring and dead. Where is the raw, where is the blood sweat tears? How am i so smudged?

I make a shitty friend, I really fucking do. I even make a really shitty relative. I know the world revolves around me, my head, or the way i see it my art. I know that when I'm sad, the world is too, which is why it rains. Ha. I know that sad songs are like chapters in my book of life. YEp.

Wow that was really hArd to write without laughing my ass off and realizing how sometimes before I really look hard enough at myself, I really do think like that. I turn really imautre, and I get evil, really evil. I become like the bad seed in that I do plant stupid things in people's lives. I really do. Sometimes I think who the fuck cares if I stop being this person't friend, or coworker. Who the fuck cares if I am revengeful or coward. I think run away, hide, or break up, break down, dissolve.

The sad part is I realized all this about myself when i was 24, almost a year ago, when i really realized what i had done to Brendan was serious.

I can't express how being that shitty was the best thing for me. Because I was so stupid, and cunt like, I am now realizing how I have to GROW the FUCK up, DO SOMETHING< ANYTHING> and that I'm so BLESSED (NOT LUCKY) to have the best man in my life.

I;m really doing something right to be getting something right, maybe karam does really exist, maybe it doesn't, but all the wrong Ive done had proved that when u fuck up, when you let things get bad, you can't be greatful for the good things. And when your not greatful you lose it.

I know I sound anything but weird, maybe sordid, I mean I just had a brownie, but still, something tells me that for the big picture there are little ones that are just not in place yet, but I just saw what that picture will look like, and now I'm fuckin going crazy trying to get them all!

Erika if u ever read this, I was a bad friend to you. I didnt go to your going away party because I didn't want to. I didnt want to see the idots I use to work with, and I didnt really want to hear all your sad shitty bullshit anymore. If that makes me a shit head I all ready know that, but your a shit head too.

To anyone that knows Brendan, be thankful you know this person, be really thankful that he is part of your life, that he ever even talked to you. You won't know anyone better than Brendan ever. He is and will always be the best man you'll ever fuckin know.

To know a person like brendan is to know an angel, a sweet pure soul, a real soul, someone that is giving, someone that will never hate you or hurt you, someone that will love you until his heart cant beat anymore. Brendan is every dream I ever had of someone that would love me, take care of me and keep me until I was gone, I hold this in my heart and I am like a lifetime movie, soft.

i can't help what I'm becoming, I know this is going to change some relationships, but it will also make me what I'm suppose to become.

i love him

mcfly cant do this

every day I brake my mold

I feel like everyday is a new expierence. Sometimes I try stupid things and sometimes I try things that make learn, grow, and change. Its not up to me whether or not I make good choices or bad ones, but its up to me to make sure I change for a reason.

Today I blew off so much built up steam. I cried. I didn't have any choice because it was deep inside me. I'm putting things that use to be me away and i'm starting to be someone i never truly wanted to be.

weak.

Im gonna try a new thing, im going to grow balls, and not be anyones door matt. I fucking am sick tired and done. I have to stop saying I'm sorry, stop being there for everyone and just live my life happy.

hahahah
i know
we have all heard that one before, but this time because im not doing anything but letting people get to me, im starting to pull apart.

once this lady from bumble and bumble came and said that people were suites, like there is always the gossiper, the intimidator, the doer, the two face, and then me, POOr PAula the one that is always bitchin, always weak, always crying. Ive cried so much and I'm done.

Im done crawling into my car to feel like shit, Im done holding the chip on my shoulder.

thank you.

who is grandpa stole bets

Tonight b and i decided to fool around online, look at stuff to laugh at, and just indulge in stupid humor, we found this weird comment someone made on someones blog, it was really intense, it makes you feel weird and then you realize how fucking scary this internet thing really it.


GOOGLE it
who is grandpa stole bets, and you will see all his comments and no explanasion....

No business

It really sucks being in your early-mid twenties in this day in age. I swear to God i don't know anyone that makes more than 35k a year. Its actually kinda sad.
I went to college, went to trade school, i studied, i interned, i did every little thing your suppose to do after school that your suppose to do, and I'm not making the money i thought i'd be making around this time in my life.

Its so shocking that people my age are so poor, in fact it makes me sick because in all reality its not fair.

The generations ahead of my time have really fucked things up. I remember as a kid id hear how my generation was going to make things in our government and our economy go down, but you know what, its not even close to the truth.

I heard about Suze Orman telling Bush just how fuckin sick he's made our economy and I applaud her for confronting someone so stupid and so blinded by the shit he did.

I should be making 1000 a week. I'm not. What the hell?

jason, paul

Tonight I went to see I love you man, it was really good and really sad. The movie was funny and Rush did a cameo, best band ever to put in a movie, and Jason was really good.

It was only sad because sometimes in life you really do stop making new friends and it is so hard to meet people. I have a really hard time in Stuart because barely anyone is my age around here, and barely anyone has personality or can totally function at my level and age.

most of the people i meet are either 18 or 45, yep.
what the hell could i do to meet people like me, or at least my age?

save me

TOday I had a really bad client, the kind that really makes you feel like shit, the kind you never want to meet.

more about it later.

holiday dorks

this is what I'm drinkin

St. Patty

Tonight I'm going to Abacoa, and I'm not gonna control myself!

Euro 80's music videos

fashion

Photography at its best

I love doing this when taking photos but it has to be amazin and catchy.

thank u food god

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

This came from no where and will be in my heart>

a real fanboy

I didn't know two things were real. One being a fanboy site, two being a spider man musical.
http://www.fanboy.com/2009/02/spiderman-broadway.html#more-6584

cursive is great

watch this performance its great

funny blog

i love looking at themed blogs.
this one had good mugshots, one shot i used for my fear post.
lol all the way

http://mugshotdujour.com/

The Fear of Talking

Never fear your stylist! Never!



They repect you more when your just open and honest but in a caring way. Getting your hair done wether you do color or cut, or both, is a very close thing between you and your stylist. The outcome is in your hands, always, it's a common thing to think that its all up to the stylist( unless you say, whatever you want) to make the outcome good but really its you.

Conversation. To me conversation is a key tool when it comes to doing hair in a salon atmosphere. The stylist and the client meet, they have a consultation, and from there they brainstorm to create a masterpieace. They throw out ideas and styles.


I advise that clients use pictures, color palates, words and symbols to give your stylist the idea and inspiration for your look.


Never sit in the chair and start off your conversation with nereves, or fear. Like don't say how scarred you are or how your really anxious and really worried.

Start off with an open mind, and a happy outlook in the future, boost the stylist up, say things like you'll rock this out, or your the professional. (cheeezy I know)

And if your hair looks shitty, well take a deep deep breath and know that someone will fix it, that the person that just fucked up is human, and that for them it's heat breaking to feel bad.

JUST be open and good things will happen to your head.

why did i ever watch this

Band that changed me

This months band that changed me is Fleet Foxes
they just bring out that gloom and turn it to something easier to deal with. I can be sad but listening to that is like accepting I'm feeling under the weather and it's ok.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrQRS40OKNE

a friend

This is the coolest blog ive ever seen and if u don't check it out ur a dip shit
http://packphour.wordpress.com/

a friend

This is the coolest blog ive ever seen and if u don't check it out ur a dip shit
http://packphour.wordpress.com/

The bad seed

A stinky rat, a hovering vulture, a fly on the wall. Every place of work has a bad seed, a person that no one can trust and no one can quite figure out. This bad seed might kill you with kindness, or look over your shoulder with too close of a stance. This seed can spread lies, take clients, or even influence the people you work with to dislike and not trust you.

My salon is not that big. We have four hairdressers, one of which is the owner, a mesage therapist, a receptionist/facialist, an assistant with a kick, and our heart the owners wife, Tracy. I'm one of the hairdressers here, I fight for clients alongside another one, her name is Debbie.

Debbie is the bad seed. She lies, she steals clients, she always is trying to see what my day looks like and why i have so many clients that come see me, not that have many but compared to her empty collum its a lot.

Yesterday in the morning I was finishing up with a kids cut, I had two clients of the same family waiting on me. I was trying to rush when i hear the shrilly voice of someone way too eadger to say hello to my clients.

Debbie walks right in, a mess, flighty, but with enough energy to run a marathon. She greets them, tells them about her crazy morning and without hesitating asks one of them if she wouldnt mind letting her start on her hair.

I was throbbing with anger because at this point I wasnt even asked. She takes the client up to me and without warning marches right up to me to see if i would mind.

I have no choice, can't look cheap, can't stick up for myself. Sure.

She steals my client and laughs about it with her like it's not a big deal. I look over to my client, who also happens to be a friend and she can't even believe her eyes. Bitch!

I talk to Tracy in private, she seems mad enough but in a business state of mind. She tells me she will talk to her and make sure for this kind of thing never to happen again.

Later on i think on this situation and I can't help but stay mad. Ched, the owner and senior stylist pulls us in to talk. He wants to lay it all out on the table, fuck, "go ahead lets talk".

All right, I think to myself, I look over at the mummy, pales, thin, and smells like a crusty bag of tuna and I tell her straight. "I feel uncomfortable about what you did." she smiles like a child molester.

"I didnt think you'd mind?" she softly replies like she gives a shit. COME ON, your not fooling me I think to myself. My backbone fades away and she gives me some shit about how she's clueless and she tells me she is sorry.

SORRY?

the seed is planted in my pot of shame. Later on she tells me how she is putting flyers around town for us. She tells me of this school she just went to and how she set flyers for us there.

I feel a little better. This morning I find out that she actually put only her name on this flyer and people have been calling like crazy. The seed is now a bush that I can't control!

I'm angry, I'm dumb, and I dislike her more now than i ever have before. What can I do to get this old ass zombie face away from me? I can only try harder, play harder and let her taste a bit of her own nasty medicine.

Seeds of hate like this don't belong in a place where love is trying to grow, where people are trying so hard to enjoy what they are trying to make grow.

It's not that bad

If I spill a glass of water I cry, if I break a nail I cry, if I get yelled at I cry, if anything negative happens to me I cry.

This is my first blog and like expected it's pretty boring.

I work in a salon in Stuart Fl, I love my job, I'm kinda working a new network and enviorment.

At this point in my life I'm trying to learn to toughen up and not let little things bother me at all. I'm working on a backbone, I'm working on my inner strength. I can't imagine being a doormat for anyone else.

Ok off to lunch.