A Slap

It takes so much to bring me down. Sometimes it only takes a simple word or two. I have been challenged this whole month. I'm so sick of taking these challenges day to day and doing my best to tackle them. I have muscle, I have truth, and I have drive, the only thing I'm truly lacking is confidence and the right person to help pick me up when I am down.

So this JOB i keep talking about, it's to work at a distributing company as a leader to a group of educators. Some have all ready been with the company for a while and some will be new just like me. I all ready have the position as an educator all I need to do is pass the tests and show them I can teach a class. During the 2nd interview for this I was told of a position that was slightly higher, the way it sounded was it would be to work full time teaching and hosting events for salons. I just realized it was really more like managing the team I'd be part of and managing a full range of salons too.

I found this to be the soul purpose of the job yesterday during my final interview with the president of the company, (boy was he scary) and he made sure that I knew that I had to be a leader and that I had to be tough, which of course I was not during the interview. He hounded me over and over and over again until I turned into a sheep and showed my shit face side. I couldn't help but feel broken, defeated, shamed.

I don't think of this interview as the end of it. I think of it as a test that the world order gave me on a whim, and a test I know I failed due to lack of studying and lack of skill. If I would have read more things on leading, if I had KNOWN it was going to be such a big part of the interview, I know I would have at least hit him hard with strong answers and a the real ME. THE WOLF. I have to turn into a phoenix, burn this scared little lamb and rise from the ashes.

It sucked and it hurt and it was a shit defeat but I did learn a lot from it and I will move on and take from it.

Leaders are people the are there to set an example, lead the team through defeat, motivate and encourage good work. A leader runs at full force, with balls to the wall, and taking no shit. I'm the bitch in charge. I know one thing that if I had this job I would put my whole self into it, I would not only bring my professional self to it, but my whole being into it. I would have build my courage I would have stepped up.
NOt having the job will allow me to grow, and get more ground. I do have what it takes and that man will be the last person I let take that from me.

i'm a wolf.