DARK JEWISH GIRL

Her face is still showing no emotion, no expression, nothing. Her eyes are lined black with liner hiding herself from the world. Her hair falls into perfect dark riglets, a mess of volume, and a radiant shine.
She holds a cigarette cooly to her lips. A long drag, an empty stare, and soft plume of smoke escapes her mouth like that of a snake.
Her clothes hug her body, dark and perfect.You look at her, you want her attention, you crave her affection. She doesnt say a thing, she just silently thinks to herself and notes your presence.
She enjoys smoky music like new wave or jazz, she also enjoys every cigarette she plucks into her mouth.
you love her, you think about her, you want her.

and so it is

I have this client who works in a gray area of therapy here in stuart. She goes further into your childhood, resurfacing real issues that as a child you might not have been able to cope with, and she lets you express them with art. This kind of therapy is actually very new. It really goes deep inside and makes you handle your emotions with the idea that those childhood traumas are what really messed you up.

Now that's not the only thing this client of mine specializes in. She also works on following your dream. You chase those dreams but scare them with your own will. For example I've always wanted to be a in band, i actually formed one in high school. (the queefs) it didn't go very far because i quickly realized what the fuck am i doing here? I dont know shit about music and i cant sing! i told everyone that i didn't have time for our band and as quick as we all formed we also dismembered.

Wendyne owns the solutions therapy office in stuart. She came in last week and I must of been in one of those moods that really show on my face, and the truth is I really was. I was mad because my boss pulled me aside to tell me that she didn't like Shonnie, and that she wanted to let her go. In reality I didn't know what to make of this because Shonnie never did anything and I also had no control of changing how this woman felt.

And then P.J called and she told me about this job in a magazine that needed writers. Ha not that I'm at all adequate for the job, I gave it a little thought. Why not. I do hair because I know its easy to make a lot of money, plus I love fashion and beauty and I love style and this for me gets me THIS close to being in that enviorment. Well it was until i started working down south with all the bird brains.

My new job is all right, its not me to be honest. I don't like the stupid fabric hanging down all over the place, the smell of perms all day, and I really hate the old school trying to be the new school bullshit. NOt only that but the other stylist are older and we dont have shit in common.

So anyways Wendyne came in saw me in this way I can't really describe but if you know me at all you would know what I must be talking about. She asked if I was ok, to which I answerd "yeah sure" without looking her in the eye. Which if you know Wendyne at all you would know that for her is a easy red flag that you are not ok, that you are most likly feeling shit and that you really hate life right now. "Whats going on, you seem not your bright self?" she says with that deep stare that sends a calling through your body.

"Well I dont feel like working for anybody anymore, I'm over it, I'm really over it!" i say. I go on to tell her about the whole thing with Shonnie and feeling so out of place in this salon, that is old, tired, and just not me.

As I'm doing her color we start to talk about what I want, what I've been thinking about doing and what I want to get out of life. I want my own salon, thats more than just trendy, its serious fashion. I want a studio in the back for photography, I want my own makeup line, a dj and a small botique. I want all of this for me and for my personal community. I also want a venue on the side, something people in my age group can really understand.

I need to work harder for this she tells me, I need to go deep deep inside myself and pull from this the idea. I cant let me stop me from this at all, I need to understand that too. The most important thing is that i dont block myself from being happy.

So she's changed me, and i needed to be changed.

when....

when i listen to Morrissey/ smiths I see the music, I see what it feels like, smells like feels like. It sends vibrations down my body, as it syndicates through my ears into my veins, pumping the emotion right in.

powerful is his voice that it can move me, it not only moves me, but it enters me, cracking open that hard shell that says I am not here, it sends itself into my blood, and plants straight through my heart.

will GOD please help

Dear God, its me, SOOOZ, well anyways I think you totally drop a bomb on the TLC channel because they make me watch these stupid shows with these stupid people that i cant turn my eyes away from... I hate it, I hate them all, and I hate that I'm soooo into it!

First off, for those of you who don't get it, I'm sorry but it's really easy... TLC loves to show case all of God's idiots, like the Goslens, and the little people, and the monkey parents and the GODDAMMN DUGGARS!


Ok I won't really comment about them because everything's been said but I will say I do miss them when they fought because women degrading men rules!




On this shit-normous family, please please please let this bitch hit MENO-PAUSE! When I have nightmares this is what comes to mind, I'm a mother of 100 kids and my hair is long and boring, and I don't know what fashion is at all and all my clothes are from wal-mart and not the cute miley shit but the lame shit....

I watched them do this home birth and it was something so weird and nasty that I all most threw up on myself.

These shows really freak me out yet I don't change the channel when it comes on... weird!

The little people in love need to make a sex tape if they want to save their show from being pulled off air...

TLC the lame channel...

YUCK

NEW MUSIC LINK

If you really need to pick up on NEW current music, pitchfork it the best site to do that with.... check out the side little radio, and be open minded...

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/best/

The COLOR BAR IS DONE

I feel its doom coming to a near. The end of it all will explode in blood, poison and tears! I fear what will become of this, the dream, the drive, and the talent. All gone, taken by greed and heartache. Nothing will prepare us for what will become the end.

I have given everything i could give to this place only to find that I'm left with a heavy chest and heart that finds no beats, no breaks, no change.

What will become of me?

I wanted to make this salon work and its not, its only work is against me and its killing me that I'm forced to be tied to this.

All i ever wanted was for all my dreams to come true, instead only my nightmares do. Its so painful and so hard.

dear GOD,

Dear God,
Thank you for fucking Morrissey, thank you so fucking much that you created someone who wrote really really really good music. Not only did it help me with the way I was all tied up inside, but it really gave me a voice I could relate to.

BTW God, Morrissey is so good, you should totally get into him...

ok thanks
susie

growth

personal
mental
creative

why do we do this?