If your a girls girl, stop reading this right now. Close out of my blog, forget my fucking face, and save yourself. I have this muthafuckin atom bomb to drop on yo asses. You stupid wanna be, fuckin lard ass, tear droping, jerk, who gets married has a kid and drops out of life. If your still reading this I hope you know that I would give anything to shit on your bride magazines, your garden magazines, your parent mags, your fuckin cat fancy, I will shit on your croc's your apple shaped bird feeder and your stupid collection of cool candels/
Life is so pathetic. It can be. I feel like when i relate to a soap opera, my life has really become a warped line of boring and dead. Where is the raw, where is the blood sweat tears? How am i so smudged?
I make a shitty friend, I really fucking do. I even make a really shitty relative. I know the world revolves around me, my head, or the way i see it my art. I know that when I'm sad, the world is too, which is why it rains. Ha. I know that sad songs are like chapters in my book of life. YEp.
Wow that was really hArd to write without laughing my ass off and realizing how sometimes before I really look hard enough at myself, I really do think like that. I turn really imautre, and I get evil, really evil. I become like the bad seed in that I do plant stupid things in people's lives. I really do. Sometimes I think who the fuck cares if I stop being this person't friend, or coworker. Who the fuck cares if I am revengeful or coward. I think run away, hide, or break up, break down, dissolve.
The sad part is I realized all this about myself when i was 24, almost a year ago, when i really realized what i had done to Brendan was serious.
I can't express how being that shitty was the best thing for me. Because I was so stupid, and cunt like, I am now realizing how I have to GROW the FUCK up, DO SOMETHING< ANYTHING> and that I'm so BLESSED (NOT LUCKY) to have the best man in my life.
I;m really doing something right to be getting something right, maybe karam does really exist, maybe it doesn't, but all the wrong Ive done had proved that when u fuck up, when you let things get bad, you can't be greatful for the good things. And when your not greatful you lose it.
I know I sound anything but weird, maybe sordid, I mean I just had a brownie, but still, something tells me that for the big picture there are little ones that are just not in place yet, but I just saw what that picture will look like, and now I'm fuckin going crazy trying to get them all!
Erika if u ever read this, I was a bad friend to you. I didnt go to your going away party because I didn't want to. I didnt want to see the idots I use to work with, and I didnt really want to hear all your sad shitty bullshit anymore. If that makes me a shit head I all ready know that, but your a shit head too.
To anyone that knows Brendan, be thankful you know this person, be really thankful that he is part of your life, that he ever even talked to you. You won't know anyone better than Brendan ever. He is and will always be the best man you'll ever fuckin know.
To know a person like brendan is to know an angel, a sweet pure soul, a real soul, someone that is giving, someone that will never hate you or hurt you, someone that will love you until his heart cant beat anymore. Brendan is every dream I ever had of someone that would love me, take care of me and keep me until I was gone, I hold this in my heart and I am like a lifetime movie, soft.
i can't help what I'm becoming, I know this is going to change some relationships, but it will also make me what I'm suppose to become.
