a brother

I have an amazing brother. We are 7 years apart, he's the younger one, sometimes i wish i was the younger one, but we are what we are for a reason. I love him so much and I miss him around. You never think as a kid how much a person can be so important to your life until your older and you don't see them as much.

When I was a kid I was a stupid kid that wasn't educated enough on what a true relationship is with your sibling. No one ever told me that they would be the one that would understand you completly and totally. No one tells you that they would be the one by your side going through the same shit and feeling the same shit. I treated him so unfairly and I regret it everyday.

I know I was just a kid when I would knock him around, tell him to leave, and tease him. He was just trying to love me. It wasn't until we moved to fl that I realized holy shit this guy is going to know me and be there for me for as long as we live.

I moved two hours south of him and its been really hard. After my ex and i broke up I started to realize we were drifting apart. We were becoming so close and we finally understood each other as equals. Then one day is was weird.

A lot of it had to do with my spiral into drug abuse. He was ashamed and disapointed in me. With REASON. I lost him...

Another reason was his angry bitch girlfriend that made him feel like shit all the time. It was making him so confused and stale and it sucked him so dry! He wasn't the same and he became a weirdo robot for this person that he actually never loved.

When I moved it made things worse. We def started to see things differently. I was starting to feel like we would never connect again, and it hurt more than breaking up with someone, more than falling off a scooter, more than anything.

I would watch as he grew older and his personality was just awesome. I started to watch him grow in music and grow in all aspects of life and I was just proud of my brother. STILL AM

He was doing so much with his life and I wanted to be apart of it but I knew I was just not really wanted around. I guess I was just not needed.

Last week we picked him up and took him to see rev horton heat. The exp of driving to jax spending time with our family and getting to exp a show like that, made us closer. And then I did something for him that I know made things different.

I pushed him to break up with his gf, and i freed him from his box. We brought him back to our home, and i fed him as much insight and love and passion and art as I could. He soaked in my words my exp, my love. And we bonded more than ever before.

we smoked, we drank, we laughed, we sang. There is nothing stronger than family. Sibling are just close, we are a tribe that is connected through blood.

I love him so much and i write this after he just left. It was very hard, I cried to myself because the distance is a pain in my heart.

If your reading this... I hope that you get one thing, nothing matters more in life than a sibling. They are connected to us more than anything we can be connected to. The love and the pain and the heart is stronger than anything. Love them for who they are and stay close... you never know what can happen... and its up to you to see their pain, their joy, their life