I don't feel lonely, but I do feel friend-less. I remember when every night I had plans with a good friend for a great time. Stephanie and I use to go to any bar with cheap drinks and cute boys. Wade and I use to spend time in his apt or at some weird dysfunctional place just laughing up a storm. Jacque and I use to dance till our feet hurt too much at Ibar. Jillian and I use to drive around looking for anything and everything. Brittany and I use to drink so much sake our teeth would hurt.
I miss friends, the kind of friends you could call up at any time to meet you for drinks or sushi or to dance the night away. Friends that got me into trouble or made the night more thrilling. Friends that gave me so many laugh lines!
When I fell in love with Brendan I knew only one thing, that I never wanted to be away from him or without him in my life. I knew he was my match and that we were so much alike and in love.
Kissing Brendan was the best drug I ever took. I couldn't get enough and I couldn't stop. I kissed him until our lips bled. I loved his eyes, his soft voice, his silly laugh, and fuzzy hair. He was sweet, understanding and most of all patient.
He met me as a crazy girl. I spun out of control when I felt frustrated or annoyed. I couldn't help it, I was hurt from the one before, and I was programmed to feel so frustrated. He loved me softly and showed me a way to connect with how I felt that didn't involve yelling or getting angry. I still struggle with it but I have come a long way.
When Brendan told me he was moving back south I didn't know what to do or what to think. I guess I was just so tired of things not working out in orlando. I was pretty sad about a lot things. He made them just go away, and it made me stronger!
I came up to him one day, and just told him that if it was okay with him, I wanted to move with him south, to a new place, a new start, a new life.
Moving south was really hard, I didn't fit in all the way. I had a hard time finding people who were like minded, or knew what the hell I was talking about. I did everything to keep from going mad. But it was really tuff'!
I met some really nice people, Jade has been a great friend to me, I love her so much and she has really been sweet. I worked with some really awesome people which I wasn't finding much luck with in Orlando, and I began collecting some really great clients.
Still deep inside I still missed my local bars, cafes, and family and friends. Most of my friends have all moved away or grown apart. I see them when I can or when they want to be available. It's never easy...
I always wish that I could mesh the two some how, I tried with goldwell but that didn't work well... it's still a work in progress but it has worn me out too much.
Right now I have something new in the works. Me and a friend are working on a small business called the beauty bandits, we go out on location and do hair and makeup. It's a new thing and it's still in the works but i hope that we can launch it quick!
Tonight I wanted company. Brendan works a lot, and sometimes it just gets to me that I don't have anyone I can just call and be like "wanna get a beer?" TIME will tell... I could be more social and I know that it would help, but I never really make the effort...
MAKE THE EFFORT SUSIE
No comments:
Post a Comment